to my blog?
It has somehow already been a year since I started this thing and wow, how cool is it to say that it wasn’t something that fizzled. I couldn’t be happier that I kept up with it, and the lessons I had learned were so influential this past year.
You’re probably right there with me, thinking that this whole “blog” thing isn’t a big deal. And it isn’t, but that’s what I love about it. Starting as a place where I could spill my thoughts and my experiences as a freshman in college, it is so cool to see the gradual development as I’ve grown in just one small year. Freshman year is weird, no matter how bad/good/average your experience was. You’re expected to jump into it like you get it, when in reality, it’s the end of the year and you are still in the mindset that it’s like a summer camp and you’re packing up all of your things to go home again.
Well, that might’ve just been me, but same idea.
In general, this whole year has been strange. It’s been a whirlwind of incredible and sad and nervous and joy and confusion and laughter. Consistently torn between being a mature, studious college student or spontaneously having a night of fun. Having no clue what you want to do after college, but being expected to have this clear, solid, mapped-out plan from the very beginning. Just the usual college student expectations.
That’s the thing, though. We are constantly living under these “expectations”. And whether they are from your friends, your parents, or ones that you put on yourself (something I am very, very guilty of), they are still the images and ideas that we feel motivated to live up to every day. Being a disappointment to those who simply want what’s best for you is the last on our “to-do” list. Our inner drive to achieve these expectations stems from a combination of our relationship with others and our motivation to succeed. But what’s one key idea that is missing from this little combination that I didn’t mention?
Something bigger than us. Something that is often thrown in your backpack and stays crumpled in the bottom until you find it months later. Something that, if more people made it their top priority to pursue what they loved, there would be more joy than discourage. More passion than boredom.
And that right there is why I’m still here, typing in my online diary every now and then for a couple people to read when they’re bored. Don’t get me wrong, this was an obstacle, no doubt. Every post I made, I felt as if I had titled it “Time to judge Jenna!” It’s tough being vulnerable and transparent at all times because not all of our moments are ones that we want to be vulnerable and transparent about. But the most awesome realization is that… that’s okay. My love for writing and expression and fashion and the lessons I am learning every single day far outweigh the insecurities that exist because of the demons in my mind telling me “no”.
Have I been consistent? Nope, if you look back you’ll see 2 or 3 month gaps between some posts. Have I been honest? Heck no. I write about the good things because they make me happy and spread light to others, and the bad is either left out or briefly mentioned. Yes, I have bad days, but why emphasize on that when there’s so much good that goes unsaid? Have I been intimidated? Always.
My goal is that you do what you love, and not let outside forces stop you. Can they scare you? Sure, and let that happen. Because the pride that you will have in yourself for overcoming that emotion far outweighs anything else. From personal experience, writing this blog is something that makes me stop and pay attention to myself and how I am doing. It makes me want to learn and discover and be more aware of my surroundings. Am I saying that every person should go write now and start their own blog? Of course not. But if there is something that has been a flickering light going off in your head, constantly reminding you that you have a passion that you’re not giving proper attention to, go for it. No matter how big, small, whatever it is… do it.