i get knocked down

it has been about a month since my last post, partly because school is just a bit stressful, and i have been very busy attempting to keep up with (or even be ahead) in my classes and other clubs or activities i attempt throw myself at.

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however, i have simply found myself at a loss of what exactly to write about. for example, do people really care about what cute outfit i “threw” together? because 9.9999/10 times, i didn’t just happen to throw it together. truthfully, i probably was inspired after scrolling through pages upon pages of pictures on the women’s fashion category on pinterest. and don’t get me wrong, i care about what people wear. more than i would like to admit. but, i’m weird and put a great deal of importance on those kinds of things.

my fear with having this blog is appearing as if i have my 18 year old self together 100% of the time. heck yeah, i was able to just leave my whole life behind, and happen to “love” every minute of it. as if i have never been in a bad mood ever. acting like i am actually doing okay every second of the day. like i am always this happy, go-lucky girl that loves my incredible life and everyone/everything in it.

not that i don’t, because i truly do love my incredible life and everyone/everything in it. i couldn’t imagine or wish for anything better.

but school is hard. and i get stressed out. and sometimes i just wish i could be home and have breakfast made for me every morning. but why would i tell my twitter/facebook/instagram/pinterest/snapchat (the list continues) friends that i mess up? that i didn’t get a good grade on a test that i honestly didn’t study well enough for? that i lose my wallet and student ID maybe once a week? seriously, ask anyone that i have ever had a conversation with. so far, i’m on my 3rd ID of the school year. go jenna!

growing up in a generation whose minds are wrapped around any type of screen they can get their hands on, i like to believe we grew up at the same time as technology. as we grow older, the influence that social media has on our everyday lives grows more and more as well.

ever since i created my first Facebook account ever (which i believed was the ultimate milestone), i became very, very aware of how my profile appeared to my other 13 year old friends. was my profile picture cute enough? was my bio clever enough/list enough of my friends that other people would think i was the most popular girl in the 7th grade? were my status’ well-crafted enough to get more than 10 likes? these questions haunted me. i am one to overthink very simple situations, and boy did Facebook throw me for a loop. i was raised in a society where how we look on a screen is more planned out then how we look in person. that we feel ten times more comfortable texting than we do talking on the phone. that if we have our life together on a screen, then we obviously must have our life together…right?

have you ever stopped to think that a big, bright, and white smile in an instagram photo doesn’t always represent real happiness? or that the group of friends all crowded together holding hands and taking that candid photo might’ve actually not been that candid of a picture, instead it took maybe 12 tries to get the perfect mid-laugh? or posting a picture out at a very over-hyped party, seeming as if you’re having the time of your life, actually means you’re having the time of your life?

on the contrary, what is wrong with showing you’re happy? i have always been a deep-down believer that happiness is a light. it radiates. others see it, and when they see it, they are motivated to feel it. if my best friend gets a killer grade on her biology exam, i will be pumped. maybe even more excited and proud then she is of herself. if someone is happy, even by the tiniest things, it will make me happy.

happiness is a light. it radiates.

but, there is a very fine line between acting happy, and being happy.

which circles back to how this post began. school is time consuming and i spend a lotttt of hours at the library. it might be an embarrassing amount of hours. but, while aimlessly thinking of things to post about on this blog, i always come to a dead end.

minor side note: come on… what really is wrong with a cute candid picture? absolutely nothing. i am so for a picture that seems as if my laugh is incredibly graceful and perfect (even if it may seem that way… you didn’t hear it).

however, my fear is that i become way too focused on what might appear good on social media, and not focused enough on what actually is good on social media. it’s something that i don’t want this blog to become.

my point of writing this isn’t so whoever is reading this (if anyone even does? still feel like i’m under the impression i just talk to myself) thinks that i don’t commit every single of these things i seem to be against. because i am so guilty…. of all of it. probably definitely more guilty than anybody else here.

i don’t want to fall into a place where i feel pressured to hide the bad, because who truly has their life together at all times, while also looking incredibly great doing so? i truly think nobody. and even if they do have it all together… it probably took some sort of work, time, or effort to get themselves to that place.

so… for future notice, on posts where i might be wearing a cute outfit that i want to share with y’all, or telling about an incredibly awesome trip that i was so thankful to given the opportunity to take… know that i don’t always look cute or take trips whenever the heck i want to (how great of a life does that seem like though?). and that even though i’m smiling big in an instagram post, i’m not always smiling big every second of the day.

 

 

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